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Thursday, June 19, 2008

Mansanas (Inspired by a true story) Part 6

VI

Naging malupit sa akin ang mundo.

Wala akong katraining training at hindi man lang ako nakapaghanda. Ang dami ko pang dapat matutunan sa mundong ito. Hindi ko pa pwedeng ituro ang nalalaman ko sa anak ko. Ayaw ko namang mangyari sa kanya ang nangyari sa akin. Buti nalang at pinanganak siyang may nakalundong organismong magiging sanhi ng kanyang malulupit na pakikipagsapalaran sa mundo ng pagkalalaki. Ipinagdadasal ko nalang na hindi niya mamana ang kabaliktaran ng bituka ng mga ama niya.

Yun ang kinakatakot ko. Paano kung tanungin niya ako kung sino ang ama niya. Hindi ko naman siguro pwedeng sabihin na pito ang ama niya at na ang iba sa kanila nakakulong, o nagtatago o nakaligtas ng hindi ko malaman kung bakit sa hustisya.

Iyan ang hindi ko minsan maintindihan sa katotohahan eh. Hindi lahat ng tao parepareho ang pananaw sa katotohanan. Ang tama sa kanila, mali sa iba. Kaya naman alam ko na kaihit kailan, hindi magkakaroon ng kapayapaan sa mundong ito. Na kahit kailan, hindi magiging pantay pantay ang tingnin ng mga tao sa kapwa niya tao. May ibang tinitingala, may ibang hindi man lang pinapansin. Sana pag laki ng anak ko, maintindihan niya na hindi mo pwedeng tapak tapakan ang ibang tao. Pero kailangan niyang maging matapang at matatag para hindi naman siya ang tapak tapakan. Lahat kasi ng tao dito sa mundo nagmamadali. Kaya kailangan mong makipagsapalaran sa kasukalan ng kamunduhan. Kailangan mong sumunod sa agos ng panahon. Kailangan tinitingala ka ng mga tao. Dahil kung sa sarili mo nanliliit ka na, hindi maawa ang mundo sa iyo pag ikaw ay natisod at matapakan ng iba pang mga nagmamadali sa mundong ito na wala nang pakialam tumingin sa dinadaana makarating lang sa pupuntahan. Hindi alintana sa kanila kung may naiiwan sila o may nasasaktan sila. sa mundo ngayon kailangang maging praktikal.

Pero bata pa ang anak ko para pangaralan na natural na masama ang tao. Bata pa siya para maintindihan na maari siyang paglaruan ng tadhan tulad ng pagtrip nito sa buhay ko. Sa ngayon, dito muna siya sa akin. Hindi ko man naprotektahan ang dignidad ko dahil na rin siguro sa sarili kong kahinaan at kakitiran ng utak, hindi ko hahayaang masaktan ng mundong pilit nandudumilat sa mga mahihina sa mundo. Hindi. Hangga't nandito ako, walang pwedeng gumalaw sa anak ko. Buhay kami. Buhay ako. Siguro sapat na dahilan na iyon para magdiwang sa masaklap na mundo na ito. Tama. Sapat na rason na yun para magsimula ng panibagong buhay. Panibagong buhay. Nakakatuwa. Parang ganoon lang kadaking palitan yun. Basta ang alam ko, gagawin ko ang lahat para masiguradong paglaki ng anak ko, magiging isang matibay at mataas siyang puno ng mansanas. Hitik sa bunga at nagbibigay ng kasiyahan at kasarapan sa mundo. Tama. Isang puno ng mansanas mula sa nilapastangang binhi ng kanyang ina.

[Mansanas 6 ni Rex Van Carlo "Fhadz" E. Mollo]

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