si caloy at si isha

My photo
sa pagbabago ng panahon, sa pagkurba ng tadhana sa napagpintasang gunita, sa paglalayon sa habang buhay na pagtunton... sa dambana, sa harap ng madla, nanaisin kong mangako ng magpakailanman, patungkol, dahil at para sa iyo...

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

A Day in Springtime During a Cold Month in Winter (for my sister CHERRY)


Unsure whether to forward the article I just edited, I played with the mouse of my PC by hovering it over the buttons that saids 'reject'. I have failed with my last two articles, remembering that I forgot to check on some important parts, I decided that I could not afford another mistake. I hummed “Stars” by Simply Red to uplift my mood a bit but it was cut short by a grumble in my stomach and a momentary sickening taste of bitter coffee lingering in my mouth. My neck is killing me from waking up in the wrong side of the bed, in the wrong position, in the wrong moment. The day is flooding with “wrongness” and it pains me to note that the day has just started. I should expect it to get worst.

I get it. Heaven has decided to shower me with all the misfortunes the world could bombard me. And the feeling of anxiety and grief has led me to conclude that this is the perfect time to be pissed. With all the wrongness, with all the irritating details, with my life. Obviously, I'm having a bad day. And in these moments, I knew for a fact that nothing, and i mean NOTHING, can make me feel better. But I was wrong. Again.

Hesitant to click the forward button that has haunted me ever since I sat on my office table that morning, I shoved my hands frantically from my keyboard to a tiny bean pillow and hugged it tightly the way I hugged my closest friends when I was a student.

When I was a student. It seemed like a lifetime away and it dawned to me that I would never again feel the same way with life. I hugged the pillow ever so tightly, remembering all those fun filled days of rummaging bits of work, study and play. I was searching for that same old scene, my comfort place, my lala land in the middle the office so foreign, by hugging my pillow as if hugging someone. And it happened. A blinking message in my skype chat box.

There is someone who wanted me to share contacts with. I wondered who could that be. I clicked at the accept button of my skype, waited for a reply to my chat message and tried to absorb the cuteness of the face that was looking back at me smiling in her “personal profile” bar.

you may call me sister”

I have always been deemed pasweet when I am still required to wear a uniform. I was unusually sweet to everybody to the point that flattery is not enough a term to describe it. But really, living my life is not an act of fascination but an act of servitude, a life of sacrifice. Its not easy being me. I trust people too easily, why would this Chinese girl be any different.

I trusted her, expecting her to acknowledge and reciprocate the kindness and sweetness that comes out of me so naturally that I wasn't aware of it most of the time. But really, I was the one who was surprised taking in the first words that she said to me.

Sister. Older sister. My sister.

I have read that part over and over and it sent sparks in my stomachs that prickled my heart so furiously that I happiness and extreme delight start to engulf me. This girl can do wonders from the time I saw her picture. We are half the world away and yet she has extended her ability to magically touch other people's lives. Just with a smile and a simple hi. It melted my heart away—the sweetness of it all. At that point it occurred to me. I was no longer hugging my pillow; I was no longer searching for my comfy place; I am happy where I am. In my desk, talking to a complete stranger who've been calling me lil brother. I am enjoying every second of it and for the first time that day, I smiled.

But its so interesting”

I'm a Filipino, she's Chinese. Yet we understood that being nice is being human—caring knows no boundaries. We may have different religion, different upbringing, different interests, but both of us know how to care. I care about her. And its really amazing how distance and difference can be flipped and folded to commune into one rendezvous point of understanding.

I was feeling so dull that morning. But I never felt great the rest of the day. Its like magic. She's like magic. She used good English to lure me into liking my day and I used mine to keep my feet firmly in the ground. I am enjoying every keys I pushed and every buttons I clicked. It made me forget that I was whining minutes before that faithful greetings.

My co-workers looked at me. And I never knew why they were smiling when I realized, I was the one smiling at them. It was one of the days where you could really say that heaven really exists. And I had the chance to glanced upon it, to really feel it. The moment was glorious. Thanks to a pretty Chinese girl who called a complete stranger little brother.

Yes you can do what u want and it is the right decision for you! please believe in yourself”

At 21 years of age, studying medicine, she knew life and how to really live it. And I was so amazed on how she's doing well as my older sister—a place in my life vacated, waiting for her. In those tiny-detailed conversations, I understood quite well that I could trust her, that she will always a caring sister for her sad little brother. There are no words to describe the gratitude that has revealed itself to me. The pressure now bears heavily upon me. How can I repay her for making me happy when everything else wanted otherwise.

Sister is great, so I think that my brother should also be great”

Could it be that fate brought that tiny chance of knowing her into reality? Could this be a sign that everyone can be a sister or a brother to any one who needs and wanted some affection in todays world soaking in such unthinkable evilness? The answers to these questions lay on the near future. All I'm sure of is that, my sister will always find a brother in me, anxiously waiting for that magical hello—and that if everyone is like this lady, greeting a complete stranger and caring for him like his own little brother, the world would surely be a better place to live in.

TO ALL THOSE WHO KNEW ME: Please say hi to my sister! She's been very very kind to me and she deserves the same treatment you showed me. And she'd be very very happy to have a couple more addition to her list of friends. I'm sure, you guys are going to like her.

TO MY SISTER, achi, I miss you already. I'll be waiting for you, waiting excitedly to hear how your study went, of how our dreams finally coming true for our families and very very soon, I'll be singing to you the song you've sent me. Ive been practicing and I think I could sing it after a few more tries. I hope your doing fine. See, I told you I'm going to write about you! Remember, lil bro will always be waiting.. Waiting.


kalansaycollector said...

i love this post.

ngayon pang nasa state ako ng confusion, distress at panic. haha.

hay i miss your pasweetness.

mocha choco fudge said...

talamat jaymar hahaha..

and we'll forever be sweet naman kaya yeah!